Top Ten Things You’ll Never Hear a Dad Say

10. Well, how ’bout that? I’m lost! Looks like we’ll have to stop and ask for directions.

9. You know Pumpkin, now that you’re thirteen, you’ll be ready for car dates. Won’t that be fun?

8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain hostile attitude. I like that.

7. Here’s a credit card and the keys to my car. GO CRAZY!

6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating’s not good enough for you, son?

5. Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend. You might want to consider throwing a party.

4. Well, I don’t know what’s wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies–ya know–that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.

3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring and a tatoo. Now quit your belly-aching, and let’s go to the mall.

2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend. Here’s $100.

1. What do I want for Father’s day? Aahh — don’t worry about that. It’s no big deal.